For years since I graduate from university, I had seen the posts talking about the difficulties of making friends as an adult. Well, let me tell you…
They’re all true.
Or at least, I’m beginning to think so.
There’s so much to do in the every day that it is harder to find friends like we once did during school or the compensatory hobbies and sports we participated in growing up.
No longer after an eight hour shift am I going to gymnastics or violin lessons to chat with the companions I spend hours of my life with every week that could easily become good friends simply by asking, “Hi! Do you want to be friends?”
I mean, I suppose I could, but in reality, that isn’t the case. I’m heading home after my commute to hopefully squeeze in a quick source of exercise, make dinner, and it suddenly be nine o’clock at night already and I have the sudden urge to “close down the kitchen” and flop on the bed to scroll my phone until I fall asleep before even thinking about how I probably should’ve packed lunch for work tomorrow so I’m not scrambling the next morning.
And I didn’t even take in consideration yet how in the evening is technically my only time I have to catch up on second moonlight job as a romance author who puts out 2 books a year, just waiting for my moment to one day make it full-time job.
Which is a full-time job in and of itself.
But, we all need friends. We all need community and a sense of belonging. And so, join me on yet another person’s journey on attempting to find friends as an adult.
We are starting strong by going to an evening bookstore event.
Getting ready for the event, I almost felt like I was getting ready for a date. I made sure that I was showered so that my hair could be freshly styled in my natural curls that I hope said— casual, yet perfectly put together. I took my time picking out my outfit and making sure I had everything I needed to put my best self forward and make a good impression.
I arrived before the event officially started and already people were inside, looking around at the shelves and getting ready to purchase an armful of books.
These are my people, I thought.
Only, as I wandered around, I started to notice that my hope to find another solo event goer was a find few and far between. Nearly everyone, it seemed, came with a friend. And if not one, multiple friends—making a wonderful evening out of it that looked so wonderfully ideal.
As I watched it unfold.
I attempted to strike up a conversation with a girl holding When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A Parker. I told her I loved the cover (so fantastically stunning) and I just finished the book and I enjoyed it.
She nodded and said, “Oh, I hope so,” before walking away.
I stood next to another romance reader wearing round wire glasses and a Strand Bookstore tote while Sonali Dev and Rebecca Kenney got ready to talk about writing and their latest book releases including a Gatsby retelling with vampires.
I said hello. She smiled and nodded.
And that was that.
Two girls were talking with another person in line about how they have a romance book club where they meet up once a month. I inserted myself from standing next to them. “Did I hear something about a romance book club?”
“Oh yeah,” they said with a smile. “It’s fun but… you’re from around here? Oh, we don’t come around here much.”
An hour and a half in, I was starting to feel a bit dejected. Not only did I not manage to hold a conversation with anyone, but the bookmarks promoting my own books in my purse felt like a bit of a joke now.
But, I stayed. I stayed the full two hours of the event. I stayed and chatted up the booksellers who were so lovely even though they were also so busy. I chatted with Rebecca Kenney and Sonali Dev for a bit as well, who were so kind and encouraging when they heard that I was an indie romance author and would be at Romance Con in September.
They said that I was going to do great, which I hadn’t realized I needed to hear so badly after I was not doing so great in what the actual night putting myself out there was for. Sonali even took one of my bookmarks with her.
Making friends as an adult, I suppose, shouldn’t be forced, but also needs to be persued to make happen when we are otherwise so invested in the constant tasks of living—especially when you can’t strike a conversation up with a childhood friend you’ve lost touch with, or find common ground to meet up with coworkers outside of work. And unfortunately, as I suspected, but now experience firsthand. It’s really, really difficult.
So, for now, we press on with kind words and romance books filled with the connections we believe are out there and newsletters like this one to keep us company in the constant movement of things. And, I guess, it’s not so bad to be doing it all while going to wonderful romance events at indie bookstores.
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